The Pain of Porn

The Pain of Porn

I. Introduction.

A. A growing problem, even among Christians.

B. The key to sexual purity. Pr. 4:23 I Th. 4:3-5

C. Three key issues: idolatry, lies, and narcissism.

II. Sex is meant to be a blessing.

A. God created sex as good.

1. To express the oneness of the marriage covenant. Gen. 2:24 4:1

2. To produce children. Gen. 1:27-18 Ps. 127

3. For the mutual enjoyment of husband and wife. Prov. 5:18-18 Deut. 24:5 Heb. 13:4

Song of Solomon 1:2,13-16 7:1-10 4:1-7 5:10-16

B. Evil is not merely the opposite of good, but the perversion of the good.

1. The opposite of sexual sin is not no sex, but “good sex”.

2. The opposite of good sex (within marriage) is not no sex, but perverse sex.

C. God’s ideal is that you direct all of your sexual energy (including thoughts) towards your spouse. Mt. 5:27-28 Pr. 6:25 7:25 Song 4:12-15

1. Don’t try to excuse yourself by narrowing the definition of adultery!

2. Jesus makes God’s standard plain: Purity begins in the heart.

3. Solo sex is a violation of God’s design. Sex is to be relational and other focused.

4. Our culture promotes sexual sin.

III. Lust is very destructive.

A. It affects your relationship with God. Ps. 51:4 32:3-4 Gen. 39:9

1. Sexual sin is primarily a sin against God. Ps. 51:4 I Cor. 6:15-20

2. Your sin creates separation with God: broken fellowship. Ps. 32:3-4

3. Repent quickly and find grace. Ps. 32:5,9

B. It affects your relationship with your spouse.

1. You are violating your marriage covenant.

2. You are robbing your wife of what is rightfully her possession: all of your sexuality.

I Cor. 7:4

3. Your attitude towards your wife is affected.

4. She will be wounded. Trust will break down.

5. You put your marriage at risk.

C. It affects others under your influence: your children.

1. King David’s example. II Sam. 13 16:20-21 I Kings 11

2. Will you be able to provide moral leadership for your family?

D. It affects you personally. Pr. 5:11-13,22-23

1. Sin makes you miserable. Ps. 32:3-4

2. It leads to more sin. James 1:14-15

3. It can lead to sickness or even death. Pr. 6:25-35 5:21-23 7:22-27 Num. 32:23

E. Special considerations for single men.

1. Lust now affects your relationship with your future spouse.

2. Getting married will not solve your lust problems.

IV. How to counsel someone who struggles with lust.

Guard yourself from lust.

A. Make a covenant with yourself. Job. 31:1,9

1. Stay as far away from temptation as possible. Pr. 5:8 Don’t go near her door.

2. Set boundaries (hedges).

·         I will not be alone in a car or a room with a woman other than my wife.

·          I will not become involved in a close friendship with a woman without my wife (and her husband) being a significant part of that relationship.

·          Conversations with a woman, in a situation where my wife and her husband are not present, will be brief and businesslike.

·          I will not flirt. I Tim. 5:2

·          When I see a tempting situation, I (like Job) will look away. II Sam. 11:2

·         When I struggle, I will seek help.

3. Beware of rationalizing. Pr. 30:20

4. Don’t trust yourself. I Co. 10:12 Pr. 5:8 14:12

5. When does a look become lustful?

B. Be prepared to take radical action. Mt. 5:29-30 Rom. 13:14

1. When tempted, RUN and don’t look back. II Tim. 2:22 Gen. 39:8-13

2. Cut off TV, internet. Get/keep books, magazines, and videos out of house.

3. Notice patterns of sin: idle time.

4. Take every thought captive. II Co. 10:5 Phil. 4:8-9. Mt. 15:19

C. Seek help: accountability and prayer. Js. 5:16 Pr. 27:17 Be Careful. Gal. 6:1-2

D. Draw near to God.

1. Delight yourself in God! Isa. 55:1-2 Pr. 9:1-6 7:4-5

2. Guard your heart. Pr. 4:23 Ps. 51:10

3. Trust Him to help you in times of temptation. I Cor. 10:13

4. Stay busy doing the work He has given you to do. Mt. 6:33

E. Draw near to your wife. Invest in your marriage. I Cor. 7:3-5. Heb. 13:4 Ecc. 9:9

Pr. 5:15-19

V. Helping the wife when her husband struggles with lust.

A. The biggest problem is the loss of trust.

B. The husband must be honest and accountable.

C. How much should he tell her?

D. Help the wife to understand that his lust problem is not due to her physical inadequacy. She needs to find her security in the LORD. Jer. 17:5-8

E. Help the husband to repent and the wife to forgive.

F. How much should the wife check up on her husband?

VI. Conclusion: God offers hope and forgiveness. I Cor. 6:9-11 Ps. 51 32

VII. Recommended resources.

A. An Affair of the Mind, Laurie Hall

B. At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, Steve Gallagher

C. Every Man’s Battle, Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker

D. Fidelity, by Doug Wilson

E. Not Even a Hint, Joshua Harris

F. Pornography: Slaying the Dragon, by David Powlison